The Bitter Taste Of Love
by kaaate.k
Summary: SPOILER TO FMA: Story takes place a bit before and then after Maes' death. Different feelings and things that remind you of the past. I wrote this on the basis of a doujinshi, so the idea isn't originally mine.


ROY

ROY  
He told me then, that it was the last time. That he found himself a girlfriend. But he wanted to sleep with me for the last time. He was trying to find a girlfriend a few times before, but he always came back… And now again… But that night was different. I noticed it after some time that he really meant to leave me forever. That night he was passionate and wild, just like it would be his first time with me…  
'Roy, I got a girlfriend…'  
'I know, you told me that before we slept together.'  
'I'm sorry; I really like you but…'  
'Yes I know. You want a normal life with a family and not with me.'  
'Do you have to put it that way?'  
'It will be easier for me'  
'So you… you really…?'  
'No, I don't. I never did. Don't make me look like a teenager who fells in love with the first one he sleeps with.'  
'Well, I know I did. And I will love you till death…'  
That made me feel like a heartless bitch. I turned around. He stood by the window, smoking a cigarette, and looking like he was really sad. I walked back to him and clung to his chest. His heart was beating quick and loud, the same as mine. He put down the cigarette and picked my face up. He looked in my eyes and kissed me like never before. I remembered he kissed me like that only once. It was the first time we decided to sleep together.  
'I love you Roy. You know that, right?'  
'I know… I love you too Maes…' With those word I started sobbing, and tears fell from my eyes. I think I realized it really was the last time. No, I didn't accept that. I still believed that he will come back.  
He laid me gently at the bed, and took my shirt off. He kissed my chest an touched it in such way, that I shivered. He kissed me so softly, but yet so passionately and rapidly. He made me feel his love in full meaning. When he kissed my lips he left the bitter taste of cigarettes, I felt the taste on my tongue and the smell all over my body. He took me one last time and it was like he was doing it for the first time. I felt like a virgin in his arms. I felt pure and unspoiled by the cruel world and the bitterness of life.  
He lied with me the whole night. He held me tight and stroked my hair. Then, at dawn he stood up, and got dressed. I lied there watching his moves so full of sadness. He sat opposite to me and watched me like a dream.  
'I want to remember you this way. I don't want to ever forget.'  
He kissed my lips for goodbye.  
'Remember me please. Remember that I will still love you. Forever…'  
'I will love you too.'  
'Goodbye, Roy…I love you…'  
'Goodbye…'  
He left me then. I wanted to believe he will come back again, and we will make love every night. But that were just my dreams…

MAES  
I left him. I walked through the city wondering if it was the right thing to do. I knew I loved him, and he loved me. But I wanted to have a child. I couldn't make him adopt one, because his career in the army would crush. I knew I made him suffer. Suffer so badly, that I wanted to kill myself. I felt like a idiot, making him love me and then leaving him. But it had to be that way…

I called him as often as I could. I talked about my girl, because I didn't know what to say instead of "I love you". He would get mad at me, and shout that I'm an idiot who uses the phone for his private matters. But I felt that he was happy to hear my voice. I wanted him to suffer less, but I think I made his life worse. I didn't know how to help him…

At one time I decided to marry her. I went over to the headquarters to tell him that. I came into his office, and smiled. He pretended to be overworked and to have no time, but I saw a light of happiness in his eyes. I felt guilty that I had to put out that light.  
'Hi Roy…'  
'Oh it's you Hughes…'  
'I just came by to tall you something.'  
'Oh, what is it?'  
'I've decided to get married with Glacier…'  
'Congratulations then…'  
I saw it. He put his head down. I thought he would start to cry, but he stood up and came to me. He looked into my eyes with a smile, and hugged me.  
'I'm really happy for you…' he said. I knew he was suffering so I decided to leave him at once. I couldn't help myself, and hugged him back.  
'I'm sorry I made you suffer again…' I whispered to his ear.  
'I got used since that time…' He smiled at me again.  
I left the office, and told the others. With the corner of my eye I saw him walking out to the sleeping quarters. I couldn't go after him. I wanted, but then I realized I have no rights to go after him. I dumped him and I didn't want to make him suffer more. I wanted to die right then.

HAVOC  
I was just going back to the headquarters when I saw the Colonel. He was standing opposite to the wall with his head down. When he heard my footsteps, he turned around. Just then I saw he was crying.  
'Co…Colonel…'  
'Havoc… You saw it, didn't you…?'  
'NO! I didn't see you were crying!!...'  
I tried to run, but he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.  
'Now now… you won't go anywhere…You'll stay here and keep me entertained, so I can forget my problems…' He smiled really strangely, but I didn't know what was to come…  
He pushed me back to my dorm, and took off his coat.  
'Now, undress.' I looked at him confused, but he just smiled again  
'Well, should I help you…?'  
'Erm… Colonel, what are you trying to…? Gah! ' He came close to me and started to take ma coat off. At the same time he kissed my neck.  
'I thought I said you were to entertain me…?' I slowly understood that Colonel wanted me to have sex with him. I always thought of him as a sexy man, but even in my dreams it never came so far.  
'Colonel… I…'  
'Stop talking. It disturbs me…' He took off my shirt and touched my chest. His hand were smooth and his fingers were touching me in a way that brought me shivers. I took off his shirt and saw his white shoulders. They were as smooth as silk. I took him in my arms and felt his warmth. His hart was beating fast; his breath became quicker each moment. I kissed his shoulders, and his chest. Then I pushed him on the bed. I unzipped his trousers and took his penis out. He was already excited as well as me. I kissed it gently, not too quickly, just to tease him and make him groan. Then I started to kiss it more and more, making him breath louder and quicker. I made him blow in my mouth, and then I kissed his lips.  
'Are you happy Colonel…?'  
'No… I want more… I want you to take me now…'  
He took of my trousers and started to kiss me. Then he lied on the bed and put his legs around my neck. I slowly went inside him, and began to move evenly. We both breathed heavily, groaning and moaning all the time. By the time I was finishing he whispered some name I didn't understand. After the whole thing I lied next to him and looked into his eyes. He seemed to be quite satisfied.  
'Did I do well, Colonel?'  
'Yes, you did very well indeed…' He put his arms around my chest and kissed my lips.  
'It's bitter…'  
'What?'  
'Your lips taste bitter…'  
'Well, it's probably because I smoke…I can stop if you want me to…'  
'No… I'm used to this taste… I missed it…'

It was not until the next day, that I learned that Lieutenant Colonel Hughes is getting married. After that everything seemed clear to me.

ROY  
He's dead. They killed him. And he told me that he would love me forever… When I stood in front of his grave I felt weak and useless. I didn't notice anything around me. And then Havoc came up to me.  
'Colonel, let's go to the dorm. You need to rest…'  
'Hold me…' He put his arms around me, just like Maes used to. He guided me to the car, and asked Hawkeye to take us back to the headquarters. He took me to my room, and undressed me. Then he laid me on the bed, and covered with a blanket.  
'Goodnight Colonel…'  
'No… please stay with me…' I raised my hand and caught his coat. 'Sleep with me tonight…'  
'As you wish Colonel…'  
'And… stop calling my Colonel…'  
'So how should I call you; by your name?'  
'…Yes…'  
'So the same goes to you… Roy…'  
'Stay with me… Jean…"  
He came close to me and undressed. He took me, and made me moan as if it was my first time. I felt like virgin again. Just like it was with Hughes, the last night we were together.  
'You won't leave me just like that, will you? ...'  
'No. I love you Roy…'  
We lied cuddled up in my bed kissing.  
'It's bitter…Is this the taste of love…?'  
'Maybe it is. Would you want it to taste like this…?'  
'Yes… I love you Jean…'  
That night I felt the warmth that Maes gave me each night. I fell in love again… Although it tasted bitter, I yearned for that taste more and more…


End file.
